Tag Archives: Overcoming Overeating

For Giving Eve

For Giving Eve: Back 2 Basics I

 

I’ve learned how to consume supplement after supplement

Tablet capsule & powder

Herb root mineral vitamin amino acid

Bottles on bottles on bulk

Dried refined tinctured & tea

A health food shop factory inside of me

I can juice. Oh wow can I juice

Running pounds on pounds

Racks on racks through that machine

Feeling at lost with what to do with the fibrous waste

No garden compost for apartment city living.

One cup of live juice for me

20 minutes to clean

I can blend

The amazing joys of a high powered blender

Just throw it in and go

I have all my enzymatic power

Fiber seeds and all

I can cut & scoop an aloe

Rub it all over my face

Lips so bitter into my smoothie a winner

Healing my intestines so they say

I can almond milk quinoa sea salt and sea weed

I can nut butter vegetable soup organic apple and vegan muffin

I can tea tea tea tea tea myself for days

I can even fast and bliss myself up Stone Mountain in a heat wave

I can enema I can enema

On a towel in my tub and hit the toilet just in time

I can maple syrup cayenne pepper and lemon juice out of my mind

And after all the water in all the gallons and all the jugs I’ve reused and renewed

I am now learning how to eat whole fresh ripe raw & organic greens & fruits


The American Fat Girl Gets A Name Change

Goddess Evening. I’ve decided to change the name of my blog. I think this self-love thing is starting to rub off on me. Feeling like having some good gushy sweet and juicy sweetness right now.

Sweetness in my life, in my relationships, in my foods.

And not the processed manufactured plastic coated fake smile taste of sweet.

But the authentic deep down in the crevices, between the black seeds of dragon fruit sweet.

The sweet we breathe in when embracing an old friend lover. The sweet of babies being born.

The sweet of laughing after a good scream & cry. The sweet of listening to your wombn intuition.

The sweet of men and women truly loving and supporting each other.

The sweetness of real sugar touches dripping down my belly inside & out.

Whole fresh ripe raw & organic sugar. The juicy kind of peach mango sugar that drips down your cheek and the kind subtle in it’s sweetness that still leaves the belly satiated. The sweetness of poise.

The sugar sweet kisses that makes me feel not so american fat girl anymore, but more belly beads & hip scarfs, sacred circles & bare breasted sunshine.

The sugar body scrub sweet. The fresh banana peel mask on my face, ripe papaya on my pimples and on my lips sweet.

The sugar smacks on my big honey booty.

The sugary green lights &  juicy sweet red strawberry lights up & down each sugar powdered road.

Yes! Yes! Yes! I’m feeling really sweet right now. Gimme some sugah!

– Safiar 🙂


My 1st Pleasant Overcoming Overeating Shopping Experience

Since starting the overcoming overeating program, I cleaned out my closet of the clothes that no longer fit and that I didn’t like anymore. I went shopping for new clothes to fit my new shape, freaked out and resorted to buying 12 pairs of  XL black leggings at $6 a pop from Target, leg warmers and a bunch of sweaters and long sleeve shirts from the 2nd hand store down the street.  This has gotten me through the winter pretty smoothly, being as leggings are easy to put on- no need to squeeze my belly to zip up and button.

Well, my sister friend decided she was tired of seeing me in black leggings everyday and took me shopping for my birthday. She is a non-dieter and has read Overcoming Overeating. I was a bit terrified and excited at the same time. Terrified because shopping for clothes is usually a stressful and dramatic experience that has left me feeling awful and headed for a binge as soon as I escape the dungeon of a dressing room with its trickster mirrors. To calm down, I kept reminding myself  that my current size is a result of my genetic heritage, aging, history/relationship with food and history/relationship with dieting and history of exercise. Luckily, we kept having to reschedule our shopping date, so I had ample time to mentally prepare. Don’t pay attention to the “size”, just get what fits and looks good on me is what I kept telling myself. Oh and breathe.

Tuesday we finally went. I sat in the dressing room and she brought me different sizes to see what “size” I fit now. And then we tried on what looked good in that “size”. I basically sat in the dressing room while she brought me clothes to try which was pretty neat. I felt like a little girl shopping with mommy and a star shopping with my personal stylist all at once. I went through soooo many emotions in that dressing room. At moments on the verge of tears and then the next moment breathing and accepting and feeling good. If I had been alone, I would have ran out of the store and straight to a bakery! But it was quite a pleasant experience. She even noticed that my bra no longer fit my current shape and she fitted me for a new one. I’ve been wearing the same bra size since I was a teenager and would have never gone up to the size we did on my own. I didn’t realize I needed too. But now I’m seeing with new eyes. Although I’ve been doing mirror work and I thought my breasts were bigger- it didn’t compute. And I didn’t realize that the side area counted as breast. I’m finally out of a B cup! lol

She also “tricked” me by taking us to eat before we went shopping. When we were in the fitting room and I said that I shouldn’t have eaten first and she said that it’s best to eat (if you’re hungry of course) because you get a more
accurate read on how you will feel in the clothes in everyday life. So when you do eat, there is comfortable room in your clothes for a satisfied belly. After the shopping I was having a little anxiety and felt an urge to eat, but since I was still full from our midday eating experience, I didn’t eat again until much later.

It was a pleasant experience and I feel I can do it on my own (without freaking out)  next time. Having assistance made it fun and much less stressful. Oh yeah, and I cut the size tag out of the clothes when I got home. 🙂


What it is and What it ain’t

I never considered myself to be an overeater compulsive eater. I just thought myself to Be Fat and that I Ate Too Much and that I feel fat and that I have no self discipline or self control. And then you come along and say, “Fat is not a feeling.” I say, “The hell it ain’t! Hell yeah it is!!! I feel fat pretty much all day everyday! What the hecky are you talking bout?!” LOL I can laugh now but I was serious then.

After my initial shock at this concept, I thought about it. It’s true. Fat really isn’t a feeling. Fat is just fat. Having excess fat in my body is just that. Do I feel it? I’m not so sure anymore. I am learning to identify what my true feelings are, instead of transferring my emotional feelings into a one size is not fitting me feeling of fat. What I really feel is pain, discomfort, anger, frustration, inadequate, shame, foolish, powerless, vulnerable, confused, loveless, Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired (H.A.L.T.). And these feelings have nothing to do with how much I weigh that particular month, if my jeans fit that day, what diet I’m starting Monday or breaking by Tuesday. Although I may not feel all of those emotions right now, I have over the course of my life. And dieting has never alleviated the anxiety. It’s just given me something else to focus on. It’s really given me even more anxiety, headaches, pain and discomfort. It’s given me many bruises all over my body from “falling off the wagon” and beating myself up. Years spent attempting to fix something that wasn’t broken. Me. Years spent hating my body. Trying to squeeze it, burn it, fast it, speed it up, sweat it away, suck it in, carve it, shape it, dissolve it, empty it, starve it, flush it, and lose it.  So many years spent trying to get rid of what I have. Why? For who? For what? What is really fueling the wanting of being a new person in 30 days or 60 days or 90 days or 12 weeks or by spring or by summer or by the holidays or after New Years Day. Lose it. Find it again. Gain it again. Be miserable. Find a new diet and then restart the cycle for the 100th time.

“A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips”, a phrase I wish I’ve never heard. It’s such a joy stealer.

What will happen as I stop hating my body?

(from When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies by Jane Hirschmann & Carol Munter)

1. learn to eat when, what and how much my body needs

2. overcome my fear of living a diet free life

3. look in the mirror, love and accept what I see.

4. decode my fat talk to reveal my real concerns & feelings

5. stop trying to measure up to society’s ridiculous and impossible standards of female beauty

6. learn to accept myself and all body shapes as well as my feelings- unconditionally

There are many programs, plans and systems out on the market and in books that promote a non diet approach to lasting weight-loss. They lie. The only way to stop dieting is to stop dieting.


Reality Check. Thanks F.J.

This blog is about me me meme me me me. Not my mommy. Stop being a busy body Safiar. Trying to fix somebody that doesn’t need fixing. Didn’t you just say “I ain’t broke and I don’t need fixing?” Well, she ain’t broke either. And neither of us are victims. Breaking a cycle. Sending love to my mommy and all the mommy’s around the world that have Chosen. Now I am free to choose for my own life.

“A feminist perspective to the problem of women’s compulsive eating is essential if we are to move on from the ineffective blame-the-victim approach and the unsatisfactory adjustment model of treatment.”                                                                               Susie Orbach from Fat is a Feminist Issue