Teenage Dreams

When I was a little girl, I wanted to make up stories. I wanted to be a writer. Then as I grew, I decided to be an obstetrician and a writer .Then Sondra Huxtable decided that she wanted to be a lawyer like her mother Clair, instead of an obstetrician like her father, Cliff. Bummer. I was all ready to go to Princeton University and come out delivering babies. On to plan c.

In the teenage years to follow, I had dreams of running on the track team (and being skinny), jumping high as a cheerleader (wearing short skirts and being skinny), dancing pirouettes across a stage( and being skinny), dancing in a Luke Skywalker video (shaking my butt and being skinny), being a model with long luxurious hair (that hung down my skinny back) and being in front of somebody’s camera- smiling, running my mouth and doing something fun and entertaining (wearing amazing clothes and being skinny). I just knew whatever I wanted to be, involved being skinny and I wasn’t skinny.

Unfortunately, as a young girl, I didn’t have a clue about what I was and what I wasn’t. My body is changing. Things are growing, popping out and sprouting up. And I developed into a more womanly body much quicker than many of my peers.  In my attempt to stop what was coming, I began dieting. In an attempt to deal with the realities of home life, school life, inner self life, and life in a society that promises a happy life to The Thin & The Skinny, I began the tumultuous diet/binge cycle.  I began the Change Your Shape, Change Your Life Game that Jane Hirschmann & Carol Munter speak of.

The funny thing is that when I look at pictures of my younger self, I wasn’t even fat. I was a southern girl who was raised on southern food-minus the chitterlings. My body shape was the result of my genetic heritage, aging and lifestyle. I tried so hard to fix something that wasn’t broken. I have come to learn that dieting is never about the food or the body.

Finally after 20 years, I am getting out of the game. This site is about breaking the diet/binge cycle, healing eating disorders, learning to eat from physiological hunger opposed to emotional eating and learning to love my own self.

If you or someone you love is struggling with these issues, please join me. I do not have all the answers. I’m learning. This is not about a magic cure or pill. There is no promise of perfection after you lose x amount of weight in x amount of time. This site is about loving, living, caring, nurturing, giving, accepting myself, yourself. We are already perfect and so friggin AMAZING!!


About Safiar

Author - And Then My Eyes Were Open https://www.simmsbookspublishing.com/ M.O.B. https://safiarpower.wordpress.com/ View all posts by Safiar

One response to “Teenage Dreams

  • vinyrenee

    Yes! It’s taken me a long time to “get it”…for it to mentally click that it’s beyond dieting and wishing to be skinny. Right now, I’m working on just getting my mind together and then taking the necessary steps to whole wellness.

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