What it is and What it ain’t

I never considered myself to be an overeater compulsive eater. I just thought myself to Be Fat and that I Ate Too Much and that I feel fat and that I have no self discipline or self control. And then you come along and say, “Fat is not a feeling.” I say, “The hell it ain’t! Hell yeah it is!!! I feel fat pretty much all day everyday! What the hecky are you talking bout?!” LOL I can laugh now but I was serious then.

After my initial shock at this concept, I thought about it. It’s true. Fat really isn’t a feeling. Fat is just fat. Having excess fat in my body is just that. Do I feel it? I’m not so sure anymore. I am learning to identify what my true feelings are, instead of transferring my emotional feelings into a one size is not fitting me feeling of fat. What I really feel is pain, discomfort, anger, frustration, inadequate, shame, foolish, powerless, vulnerable, confused, loveless, Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired (H.A.L.T.). And these feelings have nothing to do with how much I weigh that particular month, if my jeans fit that day, what diet I’m starting Monday or breaking by Tuesday. Although I may not feel all of those emotions right now, I have over the course of my life. And dieting has never alleviated the anxiety. It’s just given me something else to focus on. It’s really given me even more anxiety, headaches, pain and discomfort. It’s given me many bruises all over my body from “falling off the wagon” and beating myself up. Years spent attempting to fix something that wasn’t broken. Me. Years spent hating my body. Trying to squeeze it, burn it, fast it, speed it up, sweat it away, suck it in, carve it, shape it, dissolve it, empty it, starve it, flush it, and lose it.  So many years spent trying to get rid of what I have. Why? For who? For what? What is really fueling the wanting of being a new person in 30 days or 60 days or 90 days or 12 weeks or by spring or by summer or by the holidays or after New Years Day. Lose it. Find it again. Gain it again. Be miserable. Find a new diet and then restart the cycle for the 100th time.

“A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips”, a phrase I wish I’ve never heard. It’s such a joy stealer.

What will happen as I stop hating my body?

(from When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies by Jane Hirschmann & Carol Munter)

1. learn to eat when, what and how much my body needs

2. overcome my fear of living a diet free life

3. look in the mirror, love and accept what I see.

4. decode my fat talk to reveal my real concerns & feelings

5. stop trying to measure up to society’s ridiculous and impossible standards of female beauty

6. learn to accept myself and all body shapes as well as my feelings- unconditionally

There are many programs, plans and systems out on the market and in books that promote a non diet approach to lasting weight-loss. They lie. The only way to stop dieting is to stop dieting.

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About Safiar

Author - And Then My Eyes Were Open https://www.simmsbookspublishing.com/ M.O.B. https://safiarpower.wordpress.com/ View all posts by Safiar

One response to “What it is and What it ain’t

  • Marnie

    Thanks for the thoughtful and honest glimpse into your body and mind. It is interesting to think about feeling fat and what the really means, I had not realized until you said it, but it is true for me too~ when I feel fat or down on my body, it is actually other emotions underneath like pain, anger, frustration and anxiety…I love your blog design and your sincere writing style. Looking forward to reading more and learning.

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