Thanks Giving. I am not going anywhere to eat or to pick up a plate. Not making any rounds. Feast or famine. The whole process drives me nutz. Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat until you and I burst! I am afraid of food. I am quite afraid of my Aunt Toni’s macaroni & cheese, sock-it-to-me cake, dressing and sweet potatoes. I am afraid of my Aunt Rita’s “surprise” desserts and pretty much everything she and my grandmother, “Mother”, do in the kitchen. I am afraid of the food my own mother prepares especially as one who would rather be reading a book than standing over a hot stove. A reluctant southern belle.
Living through the holidays as a compulsive eater-weight obsessed-bulemic-health food junkie is murderous torture. Or maybe suicidal torture. Yes the food literally stalks me from every corner before stabbing me over and over again with blade sharp jabs of fat, sugar and salt until I conk out. Dead from bloat and an overworked digestion system.
So today, I’m chilling. I have come to spend many holidays alone. My food issues are not the only reason I don’t participate in the holidays. Just about 60% of the reason. “Well, don’t eat. Just go hang with family”, she says. “Yeah right!”, I say. I’m not quite ready for that yet. I have food in my kitchen and a four movie dvd I picked up from Wal-Mart last night. I have E & J VSOP, half of a lemon crunch cake, fruit, veggies and two bags of Checkers restaurant frozen fries. I have enough gas in the car to go on a scavenger hunt for food if necessary. I’d just rather avoid the temptation, the downfall and the painful punishment of eating too much in honor of the pilgrims. I’d rather eat exactly what I want. When I want. How much I want. And stop at the exact moment I’ve had enough. I’m giving thanks that this thanksgiving I am not breaking a diet today or starting one tomorrow. 🙂